chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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