I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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