Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
