I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
