The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Actions speak louder than pants.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
