there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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