She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize