I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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