We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
