I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
