just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
