We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
