i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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