I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
