Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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