if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
