i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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