It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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