Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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