I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
