I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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