This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize