I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
farters have to be the big spoon...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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