It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
