I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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