She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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