his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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