Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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