my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
