When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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