I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
