don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
