The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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