Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
