Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
