shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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