So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
