Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
