that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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