i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's shark week go big or go home
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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