her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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