Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
