That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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