it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize