i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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