Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
