I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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