Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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