I don't think brook has ever known best
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
