you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
