Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
