Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
