I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
