there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
