i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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