I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
