I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
