I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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