it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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