I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize