There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
