he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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