Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
