I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
