i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
