Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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