Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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