i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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