We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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