i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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