I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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