just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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