Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
