yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
