The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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