dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
