My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
