There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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