i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My vagina is very pro this idea
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
