My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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