the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
