Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize