dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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