Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
