do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
