Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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