it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
