guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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