I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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